Starkid Presents the SPACE tour
by Ingrid Blackery
Summary: A more detailed story of the events mentioned in the space tour DVD, with a few added bits! Contains Brideth and Laurwalk, and maybe others. Hopefully it will be funny...
1. Metal death cans

**Hey Idiotas, so I recently watched the space tour DVD again, and remembered how much I loved seeing the starkids backstage being real people. So I've decided to write this fanfic, about the tour, basically taking the events from the DVD and telling them in more detail, with a few added bits! I hope you like the idea and what I've done so far, let me know if its worth updating!**

**Hugs and butterfly kisses, Ingrid xx**

The Lobby in Julia's block of flats was full of stuff. Suitcases, bags, duvets and pillows, and several large metals cylinders, which everyone was very wary of after being, told they could blow a hole in a brick wall! It was freezing and Julia saw that Joe actually had Lauren, who had come in her pyjamas, under his coat! The tiny starkid fit snugly, and smiled as he wrapped his arms around her. Meredith and Brian were also trying to stay warm together by sitting on the suitcases with Jamie sprawled across there lap, acting as a human blanket. Despite the freezing Chicago weather and the early hour the atmosphere was electric! Everyone was excited about what was about to happen... the S.P.A.C.E tour! The starkids had been planning it for months and the time had finally arrived to get on the buses and go!

"Ok guys, has everyone got everything?" called Joey looking around the room.

"I really don't want to touch those things..." muttered Dylan, glancing nervously at the large metal containers.

"I'll help!" shouted Lauren eagerly unwrapping herself from Joe and running to towards the terrifying metal tubes. He caught her arm and laughed as she gave him an evil look.

"I want to help!" she protested.

"Lo, those things are 3 times your size! They can shoot through a brick wall! What if it fell on you!" answered Joe, looking fondly at the smallest starkids pouting face.

She stuck her tongue out at him, but didn't try to lift the heavy metal cylinders again; instead she grabbed her suitcases and perched onto of it, defiantly staring at Joe, who grinned back and jokingly grabbed Joey and zipped him in his coat, where Lauren had been, grinning as he played along and licked Joe's cheek before kissing him on the forehead.

"You've been replaced Lopez!" laughed Joe as he wrapped his arms around Joey, who promptly started singing "the way I do" while staring lovingly into Joes eyes.

Lauren stood up and ran over to Dylan who immediately zipped her up into his own coat and stroked her hair mocking the loving way in which Joe normally played with it, chuckling as Joe and Joey copied him, trying to both stoke each other's hair at the same time.

"Oh my god, you're all acting like 5 year old!" sighed an exasperated Julia, as she watched the friends try and "out love" each other, laughing so hard they were gasping for air.

Eventually after Lauren and Dylan had finished acting out the whole of the "ok is wonderful" scene and Joe and Joey had pretended to make out the way Ron and Herman had in avpm, they gave in and joined the rest of the starkids, who had started to gather up their stuff, ready to go!

"There's still the issue of the metal cylinders of death, pain and suffering," said Meredith, when everyone had themselves together.

"'l'll carry one," called Joe, ignoring the outraged gasp from Lauren and going to stand by one of the silver death machines.

"Me too!" added Joey, jogging over to a second of them.

There was one left and a silence fell across the room, as everyone looked at their feet, nobody wanting to be chosen, tactfully ignoring Lauren who stood with her hand raised, like a school girl.

"Fine...I'll do it, but if I die I'm blaming all of you..."sighed Brian, plodding over to the last of them.

"Ok! Let's go!" smiled Julia, and a burst of exited chatter flew through the air, making the cold night sparkle and crackle with electricity.

After what seemed like forever the boys managed to carefully move the containers to the gate standing between the starkids and the two tour buses. Joe's hands ached as the cold metal pressed against his skin, but he didn't dare let it go in case that set it off and it shot through a brick wall or something. He, Joey and Brian stood behind the rest of the group, fighting the biting cold, and waited for the gate to open. They didn't.

"Meredith?" said Joe, switching hands in an attempt to not catch hyperthermia, "what's going on? Open the gates I'm freezing!"

"They're stuck!"

Joe groaned. The cold was starting to hurt him now, and the fact that they could actually see the warm tour buses was making the frustration worse.

"What are we gonna do?" mumbled Brian, who like Joe kept swapping the hands that held the metal cylinder.

"Well..." sighed Lauren in mock defeat, "looks like tours cancelled".

Joe laughed and pressed his forehead to the cold metal of the gate, and as he did so, it opened!

"Well... that was anti-climatic."

Everyone laughed and rushed to the tour buses. This was going to be...totally awesome!


	2. Poop

After throwing their baggage in the compartment under the tour bus all the starkids stood shivering in front of the two vehicles. They were both identical, but something was making them be wary of there decision. They were going to have to live on theses buses for 3 months. That was a long time! They didn't want to choose the shitty bus by mistake.

"Guys...?" muttered Julia, coming to stand with the group, "what are you doing?"

"You see Julia, "explained Joey putting his arm around her shoulders," how I put this...nobody trusts Lauren."

Everyone laughed. The actress had been in charge of organising the buses and they were waiting for her to make the first move. Whatever bus Lauren chose was the bus they wanted.

"Urm, I'll have you know these buses are to the highest quality of bus," exclaimed Lauren, making the others snort, "I'm gonna pick one at random ok?" She grabbed her bag and started towards the bus to the left of the group.

"Not so fast Lopez!" grinned Brian, folding his arms, , "if you want that bus it must be the best I'm talking maybe even the best."

"OR! That ones the shitty bus and she's trying to make US chose it..." murmured Dylan. There was a mutter of agreement from the boys.

"Oh my dead god guys! Its freezing chose a bus!" shouted Meredith, punching Brian in the arm playfully.

"Hold on Merediddy...this decision can't be rushed...Lopez is playing a very clever game with us..." said Joe, squinting his eyes at Lauren, who stared back, poker face.

"I have an idea!" said Jamie, pulling a coin from her pocket, "Lets do heads or tails. Heads we get the left bus, tails we get the right. Ok?"

The boys looked suspicious but nodded. Jamie flipped the coin, it flew into the air and smacked down into her awaiting palm, she slapped a hand over it and held it out for inspection.

"Tails, we get the right bus, boys your left, ok?"

They all nodded and ran towards there buses. The girls got to there's first and paused before they reached the door.

"What if it's gross?"

"It's not gonna be!"  
"Lauren if this is disgusting I'm gonna kill you."

"Guys! Trust me it's nice! I'm not gonna make you stay in shithole!"

"We know..."

"Sorry."

Lauren nodded and walked through the door. The girls heard her squeal and rushed to follow gasping as they saw what their friend was seeing.

Meanwhile the boys had walked onto what Joe had described as a Narnia with black leather. It was huge, dark and grungy and the boys were delighted.

"Tv's! One in the front, one in the back! Oh my dead god!"

They ran around like children on Christmas, finally settling on the black sofas.

"I'm gonna use the loo," murmured Dylan, getting up and walking towards the back of the bus. It was only moments later that the others heard a loud shout making them rush over.

"What's wrong?"

Dylan pointed solemly at the laminated sign taped to the back of the toilet door. Written in large, bold letter was "no solids".

"We can't poop on the bus."

"Lauren said she got us special shit buses!"

"Calm down guys, I'm gonna talk to the driver..." muttered Brian.

The others followed him to the front of the bus.

Brian hesitated before clearing his throat,

"Urm excuse me? It's about the toilets..."

"Jamie we've been listening to the same song on repeat for so long I am starting to imagine all the ways I could crash the bus without killing anyone..." moaned Meredith, rolling over to face the group from where she had been lying on her bunk.

"But it's so good!"

"Jamie...sweetie...you know I love you dearly but there are only so many times I can listen to "one short day" without wanting to swallow cleaning fluid".

Lauren snorted and Jamie huffily turned the song over.

Julia sighed and took another gulp of her coffee, sometimes it was like babysitting...

"A TEXT!" yelled Lauren sitting up so suddenly she banged her head on a shelf. She sat, rubbing it waiting for the laughter to die down before taking out her phone. A look of horror masked her face and the colour drained from her checks. The other girls started to panic, what news could be so horrific it could get this reaction.

"Lo what's wrong? What's happened?" Julia frantically squawked, rushing to read the text.

Lauren held out her phone for her friend's inspection. To everyone's surprise Julia started to laugh hysterically.

"Jul's?"

"Oh my god Laurens fucked up so bad..." she wheezed through her laughter.

The others ran over to read the text. It was from Brian.

"Lauren we can't shit on this bus, FIX THIS," Jamie read aloud.

Soon everyone was in hysterics, apart from Lauren who sat silent and solemn. She had deprived her friends of their pooping privileges, the greatest crime.


	3. Butt grudges

"Just wait till I get my hands on that girl..." muttered Brian, pacing back and forth.

The boys had just arrived at the first tour venue but Brian couldn't get exited, he was too riled up. The boy's bus sucked. The TVs didn't work, the sheets were scratchy and they couldn't poop on them (the bus not the sheets, but they couldn't poop on them either apparently). There buttholes were screaming in agony! He had been texting Lauren all morning with no reply, he knew she had got them, and now she was going to have to talk to him. Face to face, or like face to chest in Laurens case.

"Dude calm down, its Lauren, it's not like she meant it!" soothed Dylan.

"I bet its 'cus of that time I locked her and Joe in the kitchen till they made up..." Holden mused.

"I still haven't forgiven you! You locked me and her in a tiny space when she was really mad at me! You're lucky I'm still alive!" called Joe, making Joey snort.

"Brian," calmed Dylan," Lauren wouldn't do this on purpose, and I'm telling you for your own safety not to fight with her. She will win somehow and she will destroy you."

Joe nodded trying and failing to hide a chuckle. He had been on the receiving end of the small starkids wrath many times, and he had learnt that even if he was right, he was very wrong.

Brain opened his mouth to say something but was cut short as the other bus came into view.

The first girl to get off was Meredith, who jumped out and over to Brain, but before she could go anywhere near him, a giggling Joey took her arm and whispered that she was gonna wanna see this.

Julia and Jamie followed, curiously joining the group of grinning starkids, which consisted of all but two of the band. Brian waited for Lauren to emerge.

"Butthole grudges?" whispered Jamie. The others nodded and shushed her.

After a few minutes a small head poked out the bus door nose first, like a rabbit in a wildlife documentary. After taking a few sniffs the rest of the actresses head emerged from the door, followed by a small body. She stood at the top of the short stepladder, her face a solemn mask.

"Lauren".

"Brian".

"Lauren, I have a problem."

"And what problem is that my dearest chum?"

"Lo...I currently have inside me, 2 days worth of shit."

"Well that is unfortunate".

He shot her a look.

"Yes Lauren, and would you mind explaining to me, why I am in this situation?"

"I haven't the faintest idea".

"Really?"

"Really".

The both stared at each other. Brian blinked and Lauren smirked triumphantly.

"You see Brian I also have a problem!"

"Oh really Lo, please feel free to share it with us."

Brian gestured to the group of starkids huddled behind him.

"Bet you five dollars Lauren cleans the floor with him," whispered Joe, glancing around. Unsurprisingly no-one took him up on the offer. They knew how this was going to go.

"Yes I would thank you please thank you kindly please thank you to you", continued Lauren.

"You see Brian, my stoumgh ALSO has 12 pounds of shit in it".

"But you said you got us special poop b-", he began, but Lauren had held but one finger to silence him.

"I did. Believe me dear Brian I did...but alas! The bus company is a piece of shit. Does that answer our question?"

"I guess so..."

"I'm so glad".

Lauren jumped down from the bus and started walking towards the venue.

"You coming? Last one to the bathroom is a warbler!" she called over her shoulder.

Everyone looked at each other for a split second before charging after her, into the first venue and the make or break for the whole tour. For now though, they just wanted to poop.


	4. Biting

"Guys! Its 20 minutes until we go on! Make up already!"sighed Joey.

Lauren Scowled at him, she looked so ferocious he jumped back, holding his arms up in surrender.

"Sorry! Look all I'm saying is were going on stage in a few minutes and if you and Joe don't at least call a truce for the next two hours, the show will be ruined!" continued Ritcher.

"Whats going on?" asked Meredith, returning from the toilets and walking over to Brian who kissed the side of her head and put his arm around her.

"See! Brian is so sweet to Mer! You treat me like shit!" exclaimed the smallest starkid, gesturing to where a terrified Holden now stood frozen.

"Oh my god Lo! Last time I tried to put my arm around you, you bit me!"

"Ok when did THAT happen? "

"GUYS!" Screamed Julia, standing between the couple, "You're both being stupid!"

"Julia! He has accused me of BITING HIM!" Yelled the actress, pointing an accusing finger at her boyfriend.

Joe sighed in frustration, and the rest of the group groaned.

"Joe apologise to Lauren for saying she bit you," said Julia, crossing her arms.

"But she-" started Joe, but Julia cut him off.

"Joseph Walker apologise now or so help me!"

He sighed again.

"Lauren. I am very sorry I said you bit me".

"Now Lauren, say you're sorry for maybe biting him."

"Julia!"

"Lauren!" said Julia, mocking Laurens childish tone.

"Oh my god fine!" she huffed, " Joe I'm sorry for biting you...even though that's totally bullsh-"

"LAUREN!"

"Sorry."

"Now hug it out".

"Julia I-"

"HUG EACHOTHER GOD DAMIT!"

The fighting couple turned to face each other, each with an angry expression. Slowing, they started walking closer together, stopping when they came close enough to touch.

"Your a dork Lopez".

She smiled and threw herself into her boyfriend, who breathed out in relief, hugging her back.

"THANK DEAD GOD!" cried Julia, making the group laugh.

They all put their hands in the middle, excitement and nerves trickling through their veins.

"1,2,3, DIKRATS!"

Then Joe grabbed Lauren and kissed her on the side of the head, as Brian had done to Meredith.

She wiped her small head around and bit him hard on the nose.

**_AN: hi! I know this is a little silly, but I just wanted to post something! The next few chapters will get the plot moving a bit more ( I promise it's not all poop and biting). Please tell me what you think so far, it would mean a lot! _**

**_Hugs and butterfly kisses, _**

**_Ingrid xx_**


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